by Langston Hughes
Langston Hughes homepage
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
Could you improve this poem?
If I asked you to subtract one word that would make the poem better what word would that be?
If I asked you to add two lines to this poem to improve it what would you add? Where would you put these two lines exactly?
If I asked you to change three words in this poem to make it better what words would you change? And what would be your replacement words?
dsasdagskoiweuetv ioej6tyjbht66ymps0E9PN-
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI will take the word syrupy.
ReplyDeleteI would put "with loud sounds?" "can it speak?"and I will place it at the end of the poem.
I would change the words syrupy, sags, and does. I will replace syrupy with crumbly, sags with hang, and does with will.
What happens to a dream deferred?
ReplyDeleteDoes it SHRIVEL up like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it SMELL like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy TREAT?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
OR MAYBE IT LEAKS
LIKE A TUB OVER FLOWED
Or does it explode?
1.I would take the word just out from the end.
ReplyDelete2. At the end, I would put, does it go boom? instead of does it explode?
What happens to a dream deferred?
ReplyDeleteDoes it dry up like a raisin?
Or fester like a sore--
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
or disppear like a dream?
or like the wind?
i dont get this warm up.
1.yes
ReplyDelete2.I would take out the word "just"
3.I would add the lines "like a bomb in war?" and " Like a night flowers bud?" at the end of the poem.
if i could subtract one word from this poem, i would subtract the word " like" in line 7.
ReplyDeleteif i were to add two lines, i would add it after line 9.
i would add
" does it sail away,
like a ship at bay?"
syrupy --> sugary
deferred --> delayed
sags --> hangs
What happens in a dream?
ReplyDeleteDoes it last the way we want them to?
Or just fade into nothing-ness?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just dawns
like a ending day.
Or does it explode?
If I were to subtract one word, I would subtract "like" on line 7 or 9.
ReplyDeleteIf I were to add two lines, it would be
"Does it disappear--
Like a lost memory?"
I would put those after line 9.
I would change the words
"sag" - "drop"
"stink" - "smell"
"deferred" - "delayed"
I would subtract deferred.
ReplyDeleteDoes plump up as if it was reborn.
right a fter the one where it say s dried up...
Is it light like a feather in flight
right after the one it says heavy load...
deffered and put unsolved...
load and put bags
explode and put or does it burst.
What happens to a dream deferred?
ReplyDeleteDoes it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Or HEAL like a sore--
And then run?
Does it have a STENCH like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy CANDIED?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
Or simply ERUPT
better yet OVERFLOWS
I would remove the word Or at the very bottom of the poem, in order to make the poem better.
ReplyDeleteI would add two more lines between the large group of six lines and the group with two lines. I would add
"like talking to a tree
with no reply"
If i could replace three words into the poem, they would be
fester to blister
stink to smell
and over to it,
Because when he added "over", I wasn't quite sure what he has referring to.
If i subtracted the a word it would be deferred.
ReplyDeleteIf I added two lines it would be
Does it become a like an old hag with too many bags?
Or does it hop around like a toad?
right before the heavy load line.
If I would change 3 words, it would be
Stink-Decay
Syrupy-Honey
Sore-Blister
What happens to a dream?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a blister--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a honey-like sweet?
Does it become a like an old hag with too many bags?
Or does it hop around like a toad?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
What happens to a dream deferred?
ReplyDeleteDoes it dry up like a raisin?
Or washes away with the rain?
Does it stink like a unwashed sock?
Or crust and sugar over toast
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
or disppear like a dream?
or like the wind?
i dont get this warm up
1. I would take out over.
ReplyDelete2. Two lines would be at the end.
'Maybe it could destroy a city,
or turn everything into ashes.'
3. Three words are: 'fester' to change, 'sweet' to honey, and 'sags' to drag.
I dont think I could improve this poem.
ReplyDeleteI would subract heavey on line 9.
I dont think i would add anything.
I would change sags to wet.Change explode to implode.Change sore to a cut.
I will take out the word - "up"
ReplyDeleteadd two line after the eigth line
"does it feel like being stab?"
"too painful to breath"
change 3 words
stink-smell
explode-blow
run-escape
i would remove trhe word just it might not make it better but it sounds funnier.
ReplyDeletei dont know what i would do.
i dont know what words i would change and what i would replace it with
1. The word that I would subract, would be sugar.
ReplyDelete2. What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Does it sour like rotth milk?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Does it slip from your hands like a handful of water?
Or does it explode?
3. I would change sore to wound, sag with sink, and explode with burst.
1. I will take off the word heavy next to load.
ReplyDelete2. " will it crash like a heavy splash, maybe it will turn into trash."<<<<< this goes above the "MAYBE IT JUST SAGS LIKE A HEAVY LOAD".
3. No i think it's best the way it was.
1. i would subtract the word deferred
ReplyDelete2. i would add two lines :
is it memorable
or is it worstless
after 9
3. i would change the word fester for little.and the word sags for pressure, and syrup for honey
.yes
ReplyDelete2.I would take out the word "just"
3.I would add the lines "like a bomb in war?" and " Like a night flowers bud?" at the end of the poem.
4. If i were ot improve 3 words i would change the "stink" to "crynge" i would change "sugar" to "comb" and i would change "sweet" to treat"
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
I would subtract deferred.
ReplyDeleteThe two lines that I would add at the end are...
-does it fly away in the wind?
-Or does stay there but unseen?
The three words that I would change are stink to smell, sags to fall, and
deffered to delayed.
1.i would take away defered
ReplyDeletewhat happens to a dream
does it dry up like a raisin
is it light like a feather inflight
it jus dropes like a bag full of stuff
and it explodes
1. The word And from line 4.
ReplyDelete2. Does it stay afar? Like a dark night's star?I would it put after, Or crust and sugar over--like a syrupy sweet.
3. Stink to Smell. Syrupy to Crumbling. Sags with hangs.
I would take out the word deferred.
ReplyDeleteThe two lines I would add would be:
Maybe it just stays put,
And never again to be looked.
I would put this after syrupy treat?
The three words I would change are:
sugar - crinkle
deferred - forgotten
sags - drags
What happens to a dream forgotten?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and crinkle over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just stays put,
And never again to be looked.
Maybe it just drags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
I wouldnt really change anything. But i would take out the word "crust"
ReplyDelete